My Last Personal Post

Trigger warning: infidelity

Well, it's been a hot minute since I wrote anything of substance on this blog!

Way back in 2019 I wrote a post called "Happy Endings- I'm Engaged!" I don't know why I called it happy endings, in hindsight, as it should have been happy new beginnings. I was very happy, for a while. I found my person, we bought a house together, our future puppy had just been born...

So to set the scene: (This is just before the first lockdown was announced.) It's a month before our wedding is due to happen, everything is going swimmingly, we're literally in the car on the way to pick up our gorgeous little 8-week-old puppy.

And then I get this message from my friend:

"Hi Limpet, I have to tell you something. X and I have been sleeping together for the past 4 months. I’m telling you this because he wasn’t going to and I think you should know the type of person that you’re marrying. We’ve seen each other in your house, my house and in (place that's an hour's drive away) during his work hours. After speaking to X it seems like he would have continued this throughout your marriage"

And suddenly... everything changes. My mouth goes dry, there's a sinking, awful, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The first emotion's anger, then shame, then inadequacy. What had I done wrong? What signs had I missed? I started remembering things that now made sense, like how they used to hang out but he hadn't mentioned her in a while, how he worked a lot of late evenings, how she'd bailed from the hen party. Things that, if you trust your partner, you don't think twice about.

Anyway, there's no way I can write down everything that happened after that, because it was a mess. I was a mess. I thought I could forgive him, and stay friends with her even. We picked up the puppy and didn't cancel the wedding. I let him go see her to 'get closure', we tried counselling which he barely participated in and constantly interrupted me, but he was such a smooth talker, always talking his way out of it and telling me he couldn't live without me. I let it go on for months, and let COVID postpone the wedding for a year. In my defence, we were stuck in a small house together and not allowed to go outside more than once a day, that has to do strange things to your critical thinking.

I think my last straw was when he constantly complained about the dog fur in the house. I said:

"How are you going to cope with having children if you can't handle a bit of dog fur on the sofa?" 

To which he replied:

"Children are going to be way less messy than a dog." ... I know, right? 

I could tell he was gearing up to ask me to choose between him or the dog, so I decided I'd make his life easier and choose the dog. I moved to a completely new town because I could barely find anywhere that would let me rent with a dog. Splitting the house and finances and belongings was a nightmare. The rumour-mill of family members calling to ask what had happened was a nightmare. I just wouldn't wish a bad breakup and all that uncertainty on my worst enemy.

I am also much more wary of big-age-gap relationships. I was eleven years younger than my ex, and my ex-friend was fifteen years younger than him. Still, there's some Schadenfreude in that fact that he's rapidly approaching 40 and is unlikely to find anyone better. Hey, it was a traumatic experience! I'm allowed to be a little bitter about it, right?

Aaaaanyway, now we teleport to the present day!

I have bought my own house. Just me! It's small but nice. My gorgeous puppy is now a gorgeous grown-up dog. We go for runs and cycles together. I have new friends, and a boyfriend who's kind and hot. I don't defer to anyone else's decisions any more; I do what I want, basically.

So I think this is going to be my last personal post on this blog. I was naïve to think that getting married at 25 was going to be the most exciting event of my life, and have learned that it's bad to depend too much on others for your happiness. The main thing I learnt was self-respect, though. That is so, so important.

Take care of yourselves, and make good choices!

Limpet x

Happy Endings- I'm Engaged!

Back in January of 2016 I wrote my first post here and talked about why 2015 was both the best and worst year of my life so far. The main reason was that I met Mr Limpet (best) but had to deal with a very spiteful ex-girlfriend (worst). There's nothing like some social trauma and a lot of vicious rumours to test your exciting new relationship! However, now the air is clear, the ex is long gone (turns out she cheated on at least two boyfriends since then), and all that's leftover is the fuzzy nice-feeling bit.

Little Limpet and Mr Limpet are soon going to be Mr and Mrs [REDACTED]; We're getting married!

Spot the octobobble!

In the interests of transparency we actually got engaged in the summer whilst on holiday. There was no fanfare and no public displays of affection (embarrassing), I just opened my ''surprise present" in the hotel bed after watching Ratatouille on TV. We'd spent the day diving and meeting octopuses and a mother cuttlefish, so the fact that the ring has a little octopus holding the stone is just super special.

So for me the new year and 2019 brings all the good feelings and the knowledge that life is plodding along as it should. I may have mentioned before that I never thought I was the sort of person that could settle down with someone, but we've even started looking for our first home together. The right person can change everything. I'm hoping for a whole wall just for books!

Limpet x

Things I Want to Change About Myself

The 'S.S. Kate', because one of my pen friends is adorable.

This is a list! A short list of things I want to change about myself:

Mental:

Get off antidepressants

-it's time and I think I'm ready. If you guys want to hear more then let me know and I'll be open about everything.

Be able to code for simple physics

-it would make my job so much easier if I knew what physics would do before it did it!

Physical:

Cut my hair short?

-I've been almost sitting on it for years now and fancy a bit of a change

Have a six-pack (of abs, not beer!)

-I know it's there, just need to go the final push and lose the last centimeter

Give blood whenever I can

-this was important to me, but I keep making excuses

Get a tattoo

-it's my body and I want to make a mark on it

Stretch my ear lobes

-being brave and looking a little different

More piercings

-as above

There are many more 'physical' than 'mental' items which I know may seem shallow. But on the whole I'm happy with myself and doing well in the great ol' journey of life. I feel like it's just time to make my mental self image line up more with what the rest of the world sees. I couldn't tell you exactly what that is, but it involves not being a little girl any more. All a part of growing up I suppose.

Limpet x

Come on in, 2017!

The last post was about 9 little things that helped me in 2016. It's almost a year since I started this blog and honestly I think it's been pretty helpful for me to see what's been going on and to vent my thoughts.

Here are some changes I'll be making in 2017. Just a few goals, no need to get too ambitious.

1. I have decided to do away with the Reading List on this blog and instead start using Goodreads. You're all welcome to add me as a friend, please give me lots of book recommendations! https://www.goodreads.com/littlelimpet. My 2017 reading goal is 26, one every two weeks. I read a bit more than that last year but I don't want to put any pressure on it.

2. Yoga! I mentioned in my to-do list that I wanted to save up my pub tips for the new year. I have done exactly that, and I have ________. When I first looked at yoga I got a bit sad because £5 per session is not cheap, but now I have the perfect use for those tips.

3. Bullet journaling. I discovered this new concept a few weeks ago and have started one. I may do a little post later on what mine looks like at the moment. Hopefully it will add some much needed structure.

4. Try and keep a 9-5. It's so hard getting work done without having to be anywhere, and it ends up ruining my evenings. I plan on doing 2/3 hours work, then 1 hour off. The hour off has to be something productive like kung fu or crafting instead of just browsing the internet. This'll be a hard one, but the bullet journal will help.

Some quick stats for 2016: (I've recently set up a Google Analytics profile so they'll be more accurate for next year.)

53 posts (at least one a week, good job past Limpet!)
~15,000 page views
In the first month we had about 100 views, and in the last we had about 4,500. I don't really know what that means, but it sounds good.

Onwards and upwards, friends!

Limpet x

Two Thousand and Sixteen

So this year I did a lot of things differently and am living more like a human being than a messy smelly poor student. I thought I'd share with you all as a parting gift 9 little things that have helped me in 2016. It's mostly word vomit as usual but maybe there's some new ideas in there that could help you too.

1. Make your own space
Especially when two people shoehorn their houses together, it can be hard to find your own quiet space. A whole wall of our bedroom is taken up by my OH's very large computer desk. I've got just enough space at one end to fit my laptop, so the cramped space made it hard to work in there. However, I've put up some shelves above it for storage and covered the bit of wall with things that make me happy. Little bits of origami, photos, watercolour experiments, letters from friends. It's nice to have a little colourful (or not colourful if you like that) space that's your own.

Like these little origami totoros that make my storage space prettier.

2. Presents spreadsheet
This year I started keeping a spreadsheet in google drive (for on-the-go access) with family and friends I buy presents for and columns for 'past presents', 'Christmas 2015', 'birthday 2016' etc. There's two columns for each category, one for presents given and one for presents received. It's made it sooo much easier when keeping track of everything, especially this Christmas when I don't want to accidentally get someone the same present as last year.

3. Money spreadsheet
(I sure love spreadsheets!) This one I really like more as a visual aid for keeping track of spending. At the end of each month I go into it and put in the end totals for each of my bank accounts (student account, savings account, Help-to-Buy ISA etc.) with a column at the end for a running total. There's a line graph linked to it that lets me see what money was where at each time with a nice green line above them all that shows how much money I own in the world. I went back and did this all the way from 2013 when I first opened my student bank account with £50. From it I can already tell that I am so much better at managing money and having a job is so worth it. For extra fun I even went and added a big negative line for how much student debt I have. Sorry, did I just say extra fun?

4. Give yourself a pep talk
The bank was a horrible place to work in over the summer, just horrible. There's such a phobia of technology that people would rather queue up at the one business desk than let me help them use a machine, which makes the queue ridiculous and makes everyone there angry too. Ugh. But occasionally there'd be a person, a nice old lady perhaps, that'd say to me something like "don't let the bastards get you down, you're always cheerful." I kept a note of all the nice things customers had said in my phone to read through after a tough one and give myself a little kick back into gear.

5. Making the most of crafting time
Keep a list of projects to refer to when you feel like doing something different. I've got a big to-do list with no end date of all the things I'd like to crochet or cross stitch or sew. Write ideas down as you think of them so you'll never be sat around racking your brains for ideas.

6. Use photos
Take photos of everything! I take photos of books when I start and finish them, finished projects to refer back to and show others, car park numbers so I don't get lost, everything.

A photo posted by Kate Tuck (@phystuck) on Dec 30, 2016 at 6:36pm PST

Taking a photo of this cross stitch, for example, so I can remind myself to finish the border later.

7. Conditioner before shampoo
When you used funky coloured hair dye, it gets washed out a bit when you shower. 'Shampoo > rinse > conditioner > rinse' means it gets washed out doubly as much every time I shower. So I switched to 'Conditioner ends > shampoo top of head > rinse' and honestly my very long hair is in so much better condition for it.

8. Streamline your morning routine
Little things like putting a heater in the bathroom for those extra chilly mornings, making a cup of tea for when I get out of the shower, getting clothes out beforehand, that sort of stuff. Just to minimise the 'just got of the shower freezing with wet hair dripping everywhere' moments.

9. Say hello/smile/wave a little bit when people walk into a room
It's a simple one, but it feels nice to be noticed by others. If that person is having a bit of a hard day, you looking pleased to see them might just make all the difference.

There you have it, some things to make your life just a little bit easier. Doing a bit of work at the time to make things easier in the future. In theory, anyway.

It's been a pleasure to have been here blogging for a year now. The word of next year is 'focus'- being determined and working hard to get where I want to be.

I hope your 2017 is excellent,

Limpet x

"It Takes Years to Develop a Personality."

Working in the pub last Friday afternoon, things got quite jolly. One of the regulars, a nice fellow called Jim, decided he was going to get into the Christmas spirit and drink Irish coffees. For some reason everyone joined in with him. So all the painters and decorators and plumbers that are usually downing beer were just sat at the end of the bar sipping from latte glasses. Don't get me wrong, they still had 7 or 8 of them, but the combination of whiskey and sugar and coffee really changed the usual atmosphere. Everyone had something good to say and I've never seen them more cheerful. It felt like Christmas! Even I was feeling tipsy by being around them.

Anyway, drunken cheerful Jim said something to me like "You're a really nice girl, Limpet. You've got a fun personality. It takes years to develop a personality, but you're cheeky and clever and it's good." Of course being in a pub I'm used to being flirted with 24/7, but this was different and once they'd all left it got me thinking.

It takes years to develop a personality.

I will admit that during 'The Bad Time' I sometimes felt like I wasn't my own person. I remembered being carefree and happy with myself when I was in school. Then after 'The Events' and having to take time out from university I was surrounded by a completely different group of people. This group were all at least 5 years older (from the kung fu club where I met my OH as well as others) and were settled in their jobs and lives. It felt almost like I was borrowing pieces of other people's personalities. I wasn't spending any time in my student house because nobody left their bedrooms and it was too isolating, so of course I felt like I was intruding in the house where I was staying. I spent months tiptoeing around not doing much with my days, waiting for my boyfriend to get home and not wanting to disturb his housemates. Going outside and meeting up with friends started to feel scary, which is partly the reason why I started doing so much crafting.

I digress, but Jim is right. It does take years to develop a personality. It's ok if you're not sure what kind of person you are when you start making your own way in the world. It's the experiences and how we deal with them that define us. I'll continue trying different things and keep doing the ones that I enjoy. My life will slowly build itself up around me as I slowly let go of those insecurities. And when my guard is down, the cheeky and clever Little Limpet that was hiding will shine out for everyone else to see.

Limpet x

My Big Old To-Do List

Before reading this post, have a look at my Big Old To-Do List (which probably needs a better name.) Writing lists I find fun initially, and then they make me guilty when I don't do everything on them. My problem is I set myself time limits that I don't often stick to and then think there's no point because it's so overdue. This one's different though. 

Keep on trekking on, friends!

This is a to-do list with a really big time frame, like a couple of years. This means I can use it to set goals and improve my lifestyle and try out new things. And when I'm a bit lost for what to do, I can have a look at it and work towards one of my goals. Some things on it are easy, and some will be tricky, but I can add more to it and update it as time goes on. It might turn out that not drinking tea for a month is a pointless goal, for example, because tea is really good.

Also, things that are season dependent like watching meteor showers or breeding snakes you might miss the first time round. Whereas with a to-do list that spans more than one year, you've always got another chance to try again if you miss it.

Crossing them off as I go, and keeping track with this blog, I'll hopefully begin to get my life in order. My Little Limpet Life™.