My Last Personal Post

Trigger warning: infidelity

Well, it's been a hot minute since I wrote anything of substance on this blog!

Way back in 2019 I wrote a post called "Happy Endings- I'm Engaged!" I don't know why I called it happy endings, in hindsight, as it should have been happy new beginnings. I was very happy, for a while. I found my person, we bought a house together, our future puppy had just been born...

So to set the scene: (This is just before the first lockdown was announced.) It's a month before our wedding is due to happen, everything is going swimmingly, we're literally in the car on the way to pick up our gorgeous little 8-week-old puppy.

And then I get this message from my friend:

"Hi Limpet, I have to tell you something. X and I have been sleeping together for the past 4 months. I’m telling you this because he wasn’t going to and I think you should know the type of person that you’re marrying. We’ve seen each other in your house, my house and in (place that's an hour's drive away) during his work hours. After speaking to X it seems like he would have continued this throughout your marriage"

And suddenly... everything changes. My mouth goes dry, there's a sinking, awful, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The first emotion's anger, then shame, then inadequacy. What had I done wrong? What signs had I missed? I started remembering things that now made sense, like how they used to hang out but he hadn't mentioned her in a while, how he worked a lot of late evenings, how she'd bailed from the hen party. Things that, if you trust your partner, you don't think twice about.

Anyway, there's no way I can write down everything that happened after that, because it was a mess. I was a mess. I thought I could forgive him, and stay friends with her even. We picked up the puppy and didn't cancel the wedding. I let him go see her to 'get closure', we tried counselling which he barely participated in and constantly interrupted me, but he was such a smooth talker, always talking his way out of it and telling me he couldn't live without me. I let it go on for months, and let COVID postpone the wedding for a year. In my defence, we were stuck in a small house together and not allowed to go outside more than once a day, that has to do strange things to your critical thinking.

I think my last straw was when he constantly complained about the dog fur in the house. I said:

"How are you going to cope with having children if you can't handle a bit of dog fur on the sofa?" 

To which he replied:

"Children are going to be way less messy than a dog." ... I know, right? 

I could tell he was gearing up to ask me to choose between him or the dog, so I decided I'd make his life easier and choose the dog. I moved to a completely new town because I could barely find anywhere that would let me rent with a dog. Splitting the house and finances and belongings was a nightmare. The rumour-mill of family members calling to ask what had happened was a nightmare. I just wouldn't wish a bad breakup and all that uncertainty on my worst enemy.

I am also much more wary of big-age-gap relationships. I was eleven years younger than my ex, and my ex-friend was fifteen years younger than him. Still, there's some Schadenfreude in that fact that he's rapidly approaching 40 and is unlikely to find anyone better. Hey, it was a traumatic experience! I'm allowed to be a little bitter about it, right?

Aaaaanyway, now we teleport to the present day!

I have bought my own house. Just me! It's small but nice. My gorgeous puppy is now a gorgeous grown-up dog. We go for runs and cycles together. I have new friends, and a boyfriend who's kind and hot. I don't defer to anyone else's decisions any more; I do what I want, basically.

So I think this is going to be my last personal post on this blog. I was naïve to think that getting married at 25 was going to be the most exciting event of my life, and have learned that it's bad to depend too much on others for your happiness. The main thing I learnt was self-respect, though. That is so, so important.

Take care of yourselves, and make good choices!

Limpet x

Happy Endings- I'm Engaged!

Back in January of 2016 I wrote my first post here and talked about why 2015 was both the best and worst year of my life so far. The main reason was that I met Mr Limpet (best) but had to deal with a very spiteful ex-girlfriend (worst). There's nothing like some social trauma and a lot of vicious rumours to test your exciting new relationship! However, now the air is clear, the ex is long gone (turns out she cheated on at least two boyfriends since then), and all that's leftover is the fuzzy nice-feeling bit.

Little Limpet and Mr Limpet are soon going to be Mr and Mrs [REDACTED]; We're getting married!

Spot the octobobble!

In the interests of transparency we actually got engaged in the summer whilst on holiday. There was no fanfare and no public displays of affection (embarrassing), I just opened my ''surprise present" in the hotel bed after watching Ratatouille on TV. We'd spent the day diving and meeting octopuses and a mother cuttlefish, so the fact that the ring has a little octopus holding the stone is just super special.

So for me the new year and 2019 brings all the good feelings and the knowledge that life is plodding along as it should. I may have mentioned before that I never thought I was the sort of person that could settle down with someone, but we've even started looking for our first home together. The right person can change everything. I'm hoping for a whole wall just for books!

Limpet x

Optics on the Surface of Mars

You know sometimes when I don't post for a while it's because I feel uninspired or I just haven't done much worthy of posting or there's so much going on in real life.

I just wanted to say that I am so happy. I'm doing my year in industry placement and I get to play with lasers and improve things that make an actual difference. My company has optical fibers on the surface of Mars for goodness sake, I'm doing real proper science!

I'm doing as well as humanly possible there, I love making my own experiments. I love talking to everyone from all different backgrounds and hearing how they got there. On Monday I'm going on a field trip to the National Physical Laboratory in London, and they're sending me on my own! I'm so looking forward to the future. Just a few short months at university afterwards and then I'm free!

I hope everything is hunky-dory with you too,

Limpet x

Goal 66: Get my ears pierced!

It's done! At 21 years of age I have gotten my ears pierced for the first time ever!

I've been wanting to do it for a while and one Saturday after kung fu we decided to all go into town, so I thought I may as well get them done while the others do their shopping. The mister held my hand and we all went for ice cream afterwards while I felt very proud of myself.

I got 4 done at once, two ear lobes and two helix piercings in my right ear. Initially it was just going to be the two cartilage ones but then I saw all the cool earrings that existed in the world and wanted part of that.

Look how tiny my ears are! I have basically no ear lobes at all.

My internal monologue went something like this:

"10 year olds can do this. How bad can it be?
Oh that's actually quite a big needle.
It can't be worse than giving blood.
The needle's getting closer.
Oh god that thunk was the sound of puncturing cartilage.
Ow. Actually that wasn't so bad.
I'm really glad I'm not squeamish."

After that the metal bit gets pulled through the hole and there's a bit of internal screaming at that point. But since I had the cartilage done first I couldn't feel much after the initial pain. The cartilage stung constantly for about a day and it took a few days before I was able to sleep on my left side which just had the lobe in.

I am so excited for 10 weeks to go by so I can change the jewellery, assuming they heal fine. I'll be sure to post pictures of my newly decked out ears when that happens. Roll on February the 4th!

Limpet x

S.A.D. but it's Alright

Just wanted to drop a quick note to say that, actually, I am okay. I'm going to be okay. Things are pretty good at the moment. Physics is going well- I've learned so much my brain feels like it's going to drop out. I'm trying to wrangle myself a job at a company that develops optical fibres on Mondays and Wednesdays since my days are free. And finally, it's nice to have money again! My pub work covers all the rent and food and stuff so I've got my student finance sitting pretty and untouched.

Yesterday I ordered a lamp with the power of a thousand suns that's supposed to help with seasonal depression. So when I have to be indoors at home studying, the light from that can gently warm my face and convince my body that it's summer! Yesterday I also organised a trip to see a school friend in London that I miss, and got back in touch with a few people.

The future is bright and all that, even if it doesn't feel like it sometimes.

Limpet x

Goal 9: Go Back to University

Today's the day! Today I go back to university! It's been a very long 9 months and I feel like a completely different person. I've had so much life experience since then, and illnesses both physical and mental have matured me a lot as a person. I haven't become cynical, of course not, but I know what the real world is like now. Things are serious, and I'm ready to do what it takes to get my degree and my dream physicist career afterwards.

Love yourself, you can do it! Don't give up!

Limpet x

I'm back!

It may have been a little while... perhaps the two posts a week was slightly ambitious. I will try to post regularly from now on. Quite a lot of stuff has been going on recently, the most significant of which is moving house. I'm moving in with my boyfriend and his other housemates, so I'm just trying to slot my whole room's worth of stuff into half a room now. The plus side is the communal areas means there's room for all my books now!

The best part of moving is the neighbourhood cat, who we call Shouty on account of her mewing constantly. Her real name is something in Polish and I think she comes from the garden behind ours, but she's so pretty and visits us for attention which she always gets.

Shouty the cat

March Update (Blue Hair!)

This past week has been really busy for me, my hunt for the elusive job is proving difficult. I'm in the awkward position where I'm not quite a student at the moment, so I'm not allowed to apply for the usual internships, and I have to explain what 'suspended for health reasons' means. Not so much fun. Still, I've made some new connections and have gotten pretty good at eating on a tight budget.

I don't have anything much to share today, unfortunately. I'm partway through writing a nice beefy piece on charity shops so you can have that on Friday. Also coming is a Sunday bonus post about the Mother's Day card I made.

I did dye the underside of my hair blue, however, so here's a photo of that! (Using Directions neon blue on bleached hair.) Priorities...

So bright, so blue. I'm wearing my -10°C thermals because my radiator is broken (again.)

Ted and Tiny

This is just a quick update. My family tried to tempt me into visiting them by getting another dog, and it worked.

Look at those little faces.

We've had Ted, the scruffy thing on the right, for a fair few years now. My aunty and uncle breed Border Terriers so we got him as a Christmas present. Tiny, on the left, has finished having puppies and is now going into retirement with us. She's lived outside her whole life and thinks the sofa is the best thing ever.

The funny thing is, I remember meeting her as a puppy. She was the littlest one and bullied everyone else. Sort of like me, really!

Puppies and parents,

L